Who Am I? My Journey to Powerella Pilgrim
A Daughter of the Father.
A wife and mother of three: Klara, Fran, and Veronika.
A Secular Franciscan.
Whenever I was asked what I wanted to be in life, my answer was always a pilgrim. It sounded aimless then, but with Powerella, it finally found its meaning.
The little girl inside me loved foreign languages, warrior women, and missions in distant lands. I dreamed of battles, wearing a military uniform, and studying criminology. God used my life in the world to shape, teach, and train me β using the very tools of the world.
Growing up, that girl practiced martial arts and won medals; that was my first worldly love. Xena: Warrior Princess was my favorite character, Lara Croft was the first book I chose to read, and Wonder Woman was the only movie I ever watched to the very end. God led me through worldly paths, and thanks to my knowledge of languages, I got my first job at a travel agency. Every few weeks, my home was a different country, and in every new place, I would listen to the stories of brave women. Those travels were an encounter with warrior women β and an encounter with Him. Often, as a guide, I would disappear, searching for the Guide. In every tour I led, He was the missing piece. I spent my breaks racing to visit old churches and collecting prayer cards of unknown saints.
Amidst the travels and training, Youfra (Franciscan Youth) happened. The discovery of my Franciscan identity began with a trip to Assisi β the place of all my beginnings. Upon returning from that trip, every journey thereafter became a pilgrimage. For a city set on a hill (cf. Mt 5:14) cannot be hidden, and it constantly reminds me of what my heart burns for.
That was when the secular and the Franciscan began to merge. I enrolled in the Study of Croatian and English Language and Literature while taking Spanish courses. My life was dynamic, intertwined with many projects, ministries, and associations, all bearing the mark of the poverello β Francis.
Poverello β the thread that connected everything, the cord that bound me permanently.
The race was becoming more intense.
This fusion of Franciscan life and the world gained its full meaning when I entered the Secular Franciscan Order. Yet, Assisi would fade, lost in the same mist that covers it on winter days. It would appear in my dreams, waking me in tears. The longing was misunderstood, and thus, even further strengthened.
I remember the moment of Francis's exclamation upon hearing the words of Matthew's Gospel: "Take no bag for the journey or extra tunic or sandals... go into the world and preach." He cried out: "This is what I want, this is what I seek, this is what I desire to do with all my heart." In his Writings, Francis calls us to be nothing more than "strangers and pilgrims" in this world. Free from the world, from bags and staffs, from worn-out trails and assumed paths.
On the verge of leaving for the missions in Tanzania, I was running at full speed.
In my search for freedom and my race to escape, He pulled me back into His secure nets. Like Jonah, the great God played with little me.
At the moment of decision, He sent His own and directed our paths together. I met my husband, and he became my Bernard β friend, brother, and companion on the most important pilgrimage.
We arrived at the city on the hill, but the longing did not cease. Our many departures led to that one special step. Evening, that same mist covering the walls, solitude, the pavement in front of the Basilica of Saint Francis, and an engagement Tau ring.
A step for "forever" β towards Him, with my husband and Francis. A step toward our eternal marriage vows and those in the Secular Franciscan Order. Our Franciscan identity and mission within these double eternal vows directed every step that followed.
Our family grew with Klara, named after St. Clare of Assisi and Chiara Corbella, who interceded for her during a challenging pregnancy. Klara was baptized on Mission Sunday, and that day I realized my mission, my "Africa," and the purpose of all my pilgrimages.
Soon came Fran, named after St. Francis of Assisi. He was supposed to arrive on his feast day, but he was in a hurry; he remained that way by nature β vibrant, like his namesake.
A few years later, Veronika joined us. She was named after St. Veronica Giuliani, a Capuchin Poor Clare. On the anniversary of her canonization, Veronika, like her sister, was miraculously saved through the saint's intercession and became a member of our family.
My little wonderland needed a Xena, a Lara, and a Wonder Woman. Balancing the desire for peace, sleep, order, patience, and love with restlessness and exhaustion was an impossible goal.
That was when I started reading and found the Theresas, Gemma, Elena, Maravillas, Joan of Arc, Edith, Anne Catherine, Maria Goretti, Anna Maria Taigi, Faustina, Elizabeth, the Veronicas, Magdalene, and many other "warrior-sufferers."
Suffering began to make sense in the struggle β a pledge for something eternal!
Suddenly, I had an army in my battles. My uniform was predestined in shades of brown. My battlefield became my home, and my "defeats" were found in laundry baskets, cooking pots, and dying to myself. Suddenly, laundry and pots became tools for the birth of a "new me."
Through the growth of littleness, a great soul is born.
When we weren't "growing," we went on pilgrimage to our Assisi in all stages of life, several times with our children. On the high hill, we felt greater; upon returning, we became smaller again. The longing didn't stop; it only grew stronger.
In the meantime, God led me once more through the paths of the world, to Our Lady's Medjugorje. That "peaceful oasis of the hills" partially calmed the longing for my hill. After much prayer, I received a beautiful job in Her village on October 4th, the feast of St. Francis of Assisi. In my role as a mother, the path found stillness with the Mother, working for the Parish of Medjugorje. Going to work was a daily little pilgrimage. A job that taught me multitasking and built me up professionally, humanly, and spiritually. I am grateful to the Mother for raising me and teaching me in Her Medjugorje.
Through the callings and missions He placed on my path, He prepared me through crosses and weaknesses.
He taught me gratitude in both giving and taking away. He taught me freedom and trust.
I was falling and fading, and just as my strength was reaching its end, He was teaching me the most important lessons.
He taught me many things, but the mystery of that constant longing for Assisi remained out of reach.
The longing finally eased during the first National Pilgrimage of the Secular Franciscan Order to Assisi. The footsteps of my brothers and sisters on the pavements of the city on the hill extinguished my longing, and my flame became a stillness. A new realization: that joy is found in "Love who is not loved," over whom Francis wept; in the joy of the Franciscan family on pilgrimage, discovering eternal truths. My new realization was that God sparked that longing so it could create new longings. I once heard the words: "Fire is extinguished by fire," and I believe this is especially true for the city on the hill where the Franciscan heart burns.
"Blessed be thou, holy city, for through thee many souls shall be saved, and through thee many shall be called to eternal life," were the words of St. Francis, spoken with his last breath to his Assisi. These words still carry the strength and the longing to fulfill a mission.
The mission of Powerella is to connect paths already trodden, the weak steps of strong women; to tell stories and create testimonies that will glorify β not the strength of women β but the strength of God's grace and might.